pregnancy story!

Well who ever is reading this, welcome!

Since giving birth to my wonderful daughter in July I've had to deal with the everyday mummy issues. Ive also had the added bonus of suffering from birth trauma and post traumatic stress disorder. Written down those words don't look as scary and intrusive as they are in my real life!

After 8 months of struggling to sometimes leave the house let alone be a good mum, I've decided to write about it. Even if no one reads this i hope it'll give me a log of events and more importantly my moods. sometimes i feel like every day has been horrific when in fact it probably hasn't been!

For those of you interested my story starts with pregnancy.

I went to a walk in centre when I was 9 weeks pregnant as I had left sided pain and there were concerns my baby was actually developing in my fallopian tube. After seeing a lovely nurse we (daddy panda and me) went off to St Mary's early pregnancy unit to have an emergency scan. It was scary and worrying we sat in the waiting room for what felt like forever, but we finally got called into the scan room. Thankfully baby was fine and we got to see her for the first time, looking like nothing more than a smudge it was hard to believe she was causing all this fuss. We got the news that everything looked fine and baby was right where she needed to be! Went on to see a midwife and was informed it was merely "growing pains".

Several weeks later with the pain worsening I went to my gp, they seemed unsurprised by my pain and took a water sample, they didn't even need to test it - I clearly had a uterine infection that I'd had for a while, onto antibiotics and hopefully then the pain would clear up too.

I knew as soon as I found out I was pregnant I'd have back problems - when I met the in laws I managed to fall down their cottage staircase and quite badly injure myself and expected this to flare up again.

At 20 weeks we went for our first proper hospital appointment, by this point I felt my hips were barbed wire my back was agony and getting onto a bed for the 20 week scan was painful, but we saw our baby and were informed she looked like a girl! At this point we stopped calling the bump Oscar and started out to find a suitable girls name!

I went back to my gp not long after this as my back and hip pain was worsening, I was informed it was likely i had Symphysis Pubis Dysfuntion - SPD something common in pregnancy and was refered for physio. When I went the physio could see I was in pain and after an assessment appointment and a second appointment I was sent on my way to spend the rest of my pregnancy on crutches! Great!

At 33 weeks we were back at St Mary's having one last scan - baby girl was big! She had lovely long legs and arms but one rather podgey belly! It was amazing to see her one last time on screen!

We went to see a consultant to discuss birthing options, I was pushing for induction/c-section by this point as the pain was worsening and my ability to cope had gone, I was not enjoying pregnancy, I was becoming ill and was depressed. Pregnancy was not fun, I never got that baby glow, I just had agony and what felt like a giant blow fish inside me! I was told I wouldn't be induced until 42 weeks as I was "young fit and healthy" nearly fell off my chair at that one, when did being practically housebound unable to walk unaided count as fit and healthy?

When we got home I had a letter from the hospital stating I had a water infection - funny that as I'd just had my water checked and they claimed it was clear. Took the letter to my gp and they double checked yes I did have another infection that once again was missed by St Mary's. At this point I made a big decision - at 37 weeks pregnant i moved hospitals.

I decided that I would rather give birth not knowing how poor the care was or wasn't at Wythenshawe Hospital (prior to this I'd never even been to Wythenshawe so it was a big choice) than go back to St Mary's where they couldn't even spot a urine infection so god knows what they could miss during the birth.

At 38 weeks the pain from the SPD was so severe I couldn't even make it to the bathroom, it was time to go to hospital and beg for some help. I was on paracetamol, codeine and tramadol at the time and even through that the pain was so severe I was lucky to walk as far as the end of the garden. I was admitted onto a ward where I was having braxton hicks the problem was I was in so much daily pain I didn't even notice them!

I spent roughly 2 weeks in hospital where I was told as soon as baby girl engaged I could be induced. This never happened, I am horrified now to admit it but by that point my mental health had deteriorated so badly I would have rather died than carried on, I was having panic and anxiety attacks, and was close to suicidal! Not what you expect from a pregnant lady hey? I was sent home for a few days and finally got the go ahead from doctors that I'd be induced on my due date - 28th July!

THANK THE LORD!

It was a light at the end of a very dark tunnel and if I could just make it to that date I'd be ok.