I would like to just disappear, am sick of having to avoid the blinking bathroom!
I hate this, hate living like this because I dont actually feel like I'm living. I've just had yet another flashback, and really all I want to do is to close my eyes and for it to all go away, but now I have visions of hospitals, blood, carparks, and that feeling of nausea and faintness comes rushing back.
I really need a shower - have needed one since Monday evening - its now Thursday but I just cant bear to go into the bathroom which when ever I'm there I just see it covered in blood, my blood. I cant get into the shower because my legs always feel sticky, like they did and nothing ever seems to take that away.
I do what I have to, I bathe my daughter and wash her hair but if I can get her Daddy to do it I will, I just hate that room, thank God for the downstairs loo!
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